I had a couple enlightening discussions on Sunday with various peoples about the influence our personalities have on those around us and vis versa. It was mentioned that there is often a visual difference in someone's appearance when they're happy. My mind caught this idea and extrapolated on it.
Through personal experience, I've come to believe that when people are happy you are seeing who they really are. That is always there, but it can be hard to see when we get bogged down under weights of stress and confusion. Sometimes people say that someone has a naturally sad, depressed, anrgy, etc. disposition but I don't think I can believe that. We're told that the purpose of our creation is to have joy and doesn't it sound stupid to say that beings of light could be "naturally" less than happy?
I'm rambling, I know, but bear with me. I think "inner beauty" is society's word for what I'm talking about. The idea that you have two sides, your outer self and your inner self. In a lot of situations it can feel like that, for sure, but I don't think you can really have a duel personality.
When someone smiles you see their truest, most honest self. You can see their potential, all the good that they posses and you see that the "bad" qualities aren't permanent things. If being happy is our real "natural" state then it stands to reason, for me, that anything that covers that is something that can be worked through and overcome. We spend a lot of time talking about how the Lord looks on the heart and I think that when we are able to see those around us when they are truly happy we are able to share in that perspective.
So smile more, and make other people smile, the world will honestly look a little brighter :)
In other news, is anyone else excited for this weekend? I am so incredibly pumped! And I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've ever said anything like that about General Conference but hey, I've never been able to attend a session in person before! I have also been extended the awesome opportunity to spend the weekend with Tim's family!!! Judging by my profuse use of exclamation points thus far I'd say that I'm looking forward to it. Maybe. lol. It'll be nice to have a break from Provo for a bit, but more than that I'm just happy to spend time with his family who are all almost as incredible as he is. His parents are two of the cutest and most knowledgeable people I've ever met and I'm blessed that they let me keep coming back. They've been so many places and after 9 kids, they've seen almost all of it, much more than I can imagine seeing anyway. I already owe that wisdom more than I could ever thank them for, the man I love being the biggest, but not the only gift I've received from them.
The end of the semester has been sneaking up on me for a while but now that it's almost April [Friday!] it's just being obnoxious about it. With the end come the tests and looming project deadlines but this time of year also brings class registration like a Christmas present, except it's generally not, lol. Registration involves hurriedly checking out those classes that you want to take in Fall because you haven't thought about it all semester and then desperately trying to find upper-class-men who have earlier registration dates so they can save you a seat in those only-4-section-25-seats-each classes that you need to get into and then ultimately staying up until midnight of your day only to have the system instantly roll over and play dead, something that it will probably repeat at least three times over the course of the night making you ever more irritated and tempted to go buy that sledge-hammer you've been contemplating in order to destroy the strobing kitchen light to smash your laptop instead. Honestly, if the general student body knew where the main computer servers for campus were I'd bet that during class registration those would be destroyed in a very vengeful fashion :P
Monday, March 28, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
What's in a name?
Lately I've been thinking about the idea of what changing my name would mean [I mean my last name, don't worry, I'm keeping my first name :P] On one hand, I would finally have a middle name [haha] but I remember how hard it was for me to figure out how to sign my own last name, it would be weird to suddenly be signing a new one. How do you reconcile the two? Who you were and who you then are? It's probably a silly thing, I mean, you're not really a different person, but suddenly people are calling you by a new name and expecting you to respond. I imagine it takes girls a while to get used to that. And do you ever really respond the same way? There's something very grown up about taking the name of another person, becoming an extension of their family. No matter how old you are, getting a new last name is almost like cutting the final strings attaching you to your family the way it was when you were growing up. You're still a part of that family of course, but despite how much your dad may still claim that you'll always be his little girl, you aren't, and can't really be, that little girl anymore. That's kind of scary. Because, if you aren't that little girl anymore, who are you? Does changing your name have a fundamental impact on your self-perception?
I'm not knocking marriage and taking on your partner's name, I believe heartily in both, I'm just contemplating the potential identity crisis that I feel I might be particularly subject to when the event occurs :P
On a less-intense strain of thought, girls think of a lot of things in advance/when they don't actually pertain yet right? So I've been looking at names today and I've discovered over the time that I've been doing this [years. don't judge me. you know you've done it too, if you're a girl anyway] I am very partial to older names like Harriet, Jane, Penelope, Charlotte, Alice, Reid, Bennett, Edmund, Edwin, and Hugh to name a few. This may be partly a result of all the people I've met who have or love usual names spelled ridiculous ways. Growing up an Emily I ran into lots of these as a rather large percentage of my school had the same name but with varying spellings [Emilee, Emyle, Emilie, etc]. I'll admit that some names are improved by different spellings but overall I don't understand why people mess with names and spellings that are already beautiful. Everyone's trying so hard to give their kids "original" names that I think they forget that while every kid wants to feel special and not a carbon copy, there's only so far they want to stand out. Those that aren't terribly shy want to be noticed, not exiled.
Despite how often I flipped back and forth between loving and disliking my name in school along with my best friend [also named Emily] I came to my happy place at some point in high school when I decided that I'd much rather be an Emily than a Jessica or Megan [no offense girls]. The only irritating thing is hearing my name, turning around, and discovering every time that whoever had spoken was talking to someone else [this happened in high school. Emily and I would take turns turning around when our name was called and the person calling was, without fail, always trying to get the attention of the one who hadn't turned] The bizarre thing is that, having grown up with this, you'd think I'd be used to it, perhaps not respond immediately to my name, but it still happens just the same. When I came to college I discovered that Emily is still a rather prevalent name but only in certain circles [there was another Emily and two Emmas in my first ward] and it always takes me by surprise when I encounter another of my kind.
Onward!
I have something of a compulsion when it comes to wanting to help people. Now, you're thinking, wanting to help people, that's a good compulsion right? Well, I'd say yes, the world would definitely be a better place if everyone had the compulsion to help others but this isn't precisely what I'm talking about. See, I like my personal space most of the time but I find that I have no qualms, or tact, when it comes to stepping into someone else's bubble. To illustrate, my stats professor shared with my class the other day that a kid he had known several years ago had recently visited him in his office. He's attending a college in the south of the state right now and he's [metaphorically] drowning. He hasn't found anything to tie him there and despite having some friends he's lonely all the time and seriously contemplating dropping out, feeling that no one else is like him, his background or his hopelessness. My immediate instinct was to talk to this kid, send him a letter or cookies or something but that's weird and it would be more frightening for him than helpful I suspect.
I'm not knocking marriage and taking on your partner's name, I believe heartily in both, I'm just contemplating the potential identity crisis that I feel I might be particularly subject to when the event occurs :P
On a less-intense strain of thought, girls think of a lot of things in advance/when they don't actually pertain yet right? So I've been looking at names today and I've discovered over the time that I've been doing this [years. don't judge me. you know you've done it too, if you're a girl anyway] I am very partial to older names like Harriet, Jane, Penelope, Charlotte, Alice, Reid, Bennett, Edmund, Edwin, and Hugh to name a few. This may be partly a result of all the people I've met who have or love usual names spelled ridiculous ways. Growing up an Emily I ran into lots of these as a rather large percentage of my school had the same name but with varying spellings [Emilee, Emyle, Emilie, etc]. I'll admit that some names are improved by different spellings but overall I don't understand why people mess with names and spellings that are already beautiful. Everyone's trying so hard to give their kids "original" names that I think they forget that while every kid wants to feel special and not a carbon copy, there's only so far they want to stand out. Those that aren't terribly shy want to be noticed, not exiled.
Despite how often I flipped back and forth between loving and disliking my name in school along with my best friend [also named Emily] I came to my happy place at some point in high school when I decided that I'd much rather be an Emily than a Jessica or Megan [no offense girls]. The only irritating thing is hearing my name, turning around, and discovering every time that whoever had spoken was talking to someone else [this happened in high school. Emily and I would take turns turning around when our name was called and the person calling was, without fail, always trying to get the attention of the one who hadn't turned] The bizarre thing is that, having grown up with this, you'd think I'd be used to it, perhaps not respond immediately to my name, but it still happens just the same. When I came to college I discovered that Emily is still a rather prevalent name but only in certain circles [there was another Emily and two Emmas in my first ward] and it always takes me by surprise when I encounter another of my kind.
Onward!
I have something of a compulsion when it comes to wanting to help people. Now, you're thinking, wanting to help people, that's a good compulsion right? Well, I'd say yes, the world would definitely be a better place if everyone had the compulsion to help others but this isn't precisely what I'm talking about. See, I like my personal space most of the time but I find that I have no qualms, or tact, when it comes to stepping into someone else's bubble. To illustrate, my stats professor shared with my class the other day that a kid he had known several years ago had recently visited him in his office. He's attending a college in the south of the state right now and he's [metaphorically] drowning. He hasn't found anything to tie him there and despite having some friends he's lonely all the time and seriously contemplating dropping out, feeling that no one else is like him, his background or his hopelessness. My immediate instinct was to talk to this kid, send him a letter or cookies or something but that's weird and it would be more frightening for him than helpful I suspect.
[mini tangent]
When my teacher was relating how this kid feels I immediately thought of almost every
person I've ever become close to here at school. It can be so easy to feel like you're
the only one who's had a hard life, trials and hurt, especially here where so many
people seem to have it all together but the fact is that everyone has their struggles
and their challenges. Our Relief Society president is the cutest most home-makery
[and not in a gag-me way] girl I have ever met in my life. Everything about her seems
so perfect but she's a convert and the only one in her family. Growing up in an all
member family, I can't imagine what that would be like, the potential struggles involved.
My roommate is the sweetest, most hilarious girl I've ever had the blessing to be friends
with, the most innocent and adorable thing out there. You wouldn't believe that so much
emotion and so much hurt could be placed into such a little body. The point is, just
as I've heard the phrase "don't judge someone just because they sin differently
than you" I feel very strongly about the importance of letting those around you
feel wanted. Everyone has something to give, a gift to share that can influence your
life, and theirs if you'll give them some of your time. So, that kid in your class, ward,
or sports team that you don't know very well? Get to know them, say hello, or just
smile. My heart went out so fast to my professor's friend that I never want to
let those around me feel like that if I can do anything about it. An ambitious goal, yes,
one that I bet I'll spend my whole life trying to attain. Would you join me?
[end tangent]
When my teacher was relating how this kid feels I immediately thought of almost every
person I've ever become close to here at school. It can be so easy to feel like you're
the only one who's had a hard life, trials and hurt, especially here where so many
people seem to have it all together but the fact is that everyone has their struggles
and their challenges. Our Relief Society president is the cutest most home-makery
[and not in a gag-me way] girl I have ever met in my life. Everything about her seems
so perfect but she's a convert and the only one in her family. Growing up in an all
member family, I can't imagine what that would be like, the potential struggles involved.
My roommate is the sweetest, most hilarious girl I've ever had the blessing to be friends
with, the most innocent and adorable thing out there. You wouldn't believe that so much
emotion and so much hurt could be placed into such a little body. The point is, just
as I've heard the phrase "don't judge someone just because they sin differently
than you" I feel very strongly about the importance of letting those around you
feel wanted. Everyone has something to give, a gift to share that can influence your
life, and theirs if you'll give them some of your time. So, that kid in your class, ward,
or sports team that you don't know very well? Get to know them, say hello, or just
smile. My heart went out so fast to my professor's friend that I never want to
let those around me feel like that if I can do anything about it. An ambitious goal, yes,
one that I bet I'll spend my whole life trying to attain. Would you join me?
[end tangent]
Anyway, this instinct to step where I have not been invited in other people's lives is a hard one to ignore especially when I care so much about the hurt a situation is causing someone I love. I want to intervene, become a mediator, write a letter to explain. I want to be able to diffuse situations, say things in a way that will suddenly make sense to everyone and the fighting will just end. But that doesn't work. People don't take well to the intrusion of others into their problems and more animosity is the last thing anyone ever needs. It's hard to sit back and watch things play out how they will without sticking my nose in it but that's something I'm slowly learning how to do.
Well that's enough from me today so how about some songs for your pleasure today? I just saw last week's episode of Glee and the original songs that I'd been skeptical to hear absolutely blew me away so I'm going to share those :)
Well that's enough from me today so how about some songs for your pleasure today? I just saw last week's episode of Glee and the original songs that I'd been skeptical to hear absolutely blew me away so I'm going to share those :)
Monday, March 21, 2011
Because who doesn't love pretend campfires?
In our Relations class yesterday, where we talk about the four most important types of relationships [with God, our family, ourselves, and our fellowmen] because it's a single's ward so none of us are married, we were asked what kind of time do we give to these relationships? Do we give priority time, prime-time so to speak, or do we give our left-over time? The lesson was about communication, not just talking, but communicating and while I feel like I definitely put priority on developing this in specific relationships it became obvious to me as well as the two of my roommates also in the class, that we have been seriously lacking in apartment communication with especial regard to one roommate.
The past couple of months have been difficult for everyone to say the least. Tension has been tangible much of the time and tempers easily ignited. We had all thought for a while that we would just rough it out till April. The decision for some of us to live in a different apartment come fall had already been made and we figured that we'd just hold our breath and plow through but recently it has become more and more apparent that this strategy wasn't working for any of us really. Even though the apartment has been split nearly 3:1 none of us have felt good about the situation and the stress was making every other stress in our lives that much worse. So upon the kick in the butt that we received yesterday, it was decided that something needed to be done. We're only 3.5 weeks away from the end but none of us felt like it would be right to let it go any longer. We needed to sit down and air things out, clear things up, and just generally try to make the situation better.
Now, we are an apartment full of anti-confrontational people which means that even getting such a conversation started proved embarrassingly difficult. While we had been planning what we would like to say in order to keep ourselves on track and to keep the discussion from becoming unnecessarily ugly, I had suggested that we start with prayer, something somewhat out of character for me to suggest generally. I suggested it again, however, when we had actually congregated in the living room. Luckily, ours is a Mormon no-judgment behavior room and as incredibly cliche as it sounded to ask for prayer I'm incredibly glad I did. With a coffee table functioning as a non-flammable campfire at the center, I felt the spirit in our apartment for the first time in too long. I am always afraid that no matter how well I try to say something I will always make things worse and I was afraid of coming out the other end of the discussion with everyone the worse for wear but I know that the Spirit was there and helped us all to stay calm, fair, and honest. And we were able to understand each other and bring things up without making it sound like a blame-game session. Things may not be the same in our apartment as they were at the beginning of the year but because we made the effort to communicate and have promised to continue doing so, I think things will be a lot better for everyone as we head into the final stretch.
I honestly think this was the best way to start my week because even though I felt ridiculously tired this morning for the time I went to bed, it's a blessing to be able to see the week ahead and not cringe at the prospect of struggling through more tension and stress at home.
The past couple of months have been difficult for everyone to say the least. Tension has been tangible much of the time and tempers easily ignited. We had all thought for a while that we would just rough it out till April. The decision for some of us to live in a different apartment come fall had already been made and we figured that we'd just hold our breath and plow through but recently it has become more and more apparent that this strategy wasn't working for any of us really. Even though the apartment has been split nearly 3:1 none of us have felt good about the situation and the stress was making every other stress in our lives that much worse. So upon the kick in the butt that we received yesterday, it was decided that something needed to be done. We're only 3.5 weeks away from the end but none of us felt like it would be right to let it go any longer. We needed to sit down and air things out, clear things up, and just generally try to make the situation better.
Now, we are an apartment full of anti-confrontational people which means that even getting such a conversation started proved embarrassingly difficult. While we had been planning what we would like to say in order to keep ourselves on track and to keep the discussion from becoming unnecessarily ugly, I had suggested that we start with prayer, something somewhat out of character for me to suggest generally. I suggested it again, however, when we had actually congregated in the living room. Luckily, ours is a Mormon no-judgment behavior room and as incredibly cliche as it sounded to ask for prayer I'm incredibly glad I did. With a coffee table functioning as a non-flammable campfire at the center, I felt the spirit in our apartment for the first time in too long. I am always afraid that no matter how well I try to say something I will always make things worse and I was afraid of coming out the other end of the discussion with everyone the worse for wear but I know that the Spirit was there and helped us all to stay calm, fair, and honest. And we were able to understand each other and bring things up without making it sound like a blame-game session. Things may not be the same in our apartment as they were at the beginning of the year but because we made the effort to communicate and have promised to continue doing so, I think things will be a lot better for everyone as we head into the final stretch.
I honestly think this was the best way to start my week because even though I felt ridiculously tired this morning for the time I went to bed, it's a blessing to be able to see the week ahead and not cringe at the prospect of struggling through more tension and stress at home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Scene Break ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In other news:
Tim and I were able to go do baptisms on Friday morning and we opted for Timpanogos instead of Provo because Provo is where everyone goes and it takes you 2 hours on average to get through. Plus, I'd never been inside Timp.
Tim and I were able to go do baptisms on Friday morning and we opted for Timpanogos instead of Provo because Provo is where everyone goes and it takes you 2 hours on average to get through. Plus, I'd never been inside Timp.
Beautiful, isn't it? I can't find a better picture of the windows which are my favorite part so you'll all just have to go see them for yourselves. :P I'm so excited for summer when the trees will actually look like this.
We figured it wouldn't be as busy at Timp but we were really surprised when we got there and were in and out in 40 minutes. We're hoping that the next time we go we can spend some more time inside, having a better idea now of the time it takes to get there and through.
I'm so excited to be able to do more in the temple. Chelsea's wedding planning is exciting and fun all around but I think my favorite part is how excited she is to get her endowment and to learn more about those things. I'm already incredibly jealous of her just for that. I can't wait to go through, even if it means getting my mind blown as Tim's described it. I'm excited to learn and to grow, to gain a greater appreciation and love for the temple and the blessings it offers my life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm working in partitions today, haha.
For the past week, week and a half, I've had a really hard time motivating myself to do things which means, of course, they've been building up. It's bizarre how I can make a list of things to do and then when I get time have absolutely no drive or interest in doing them. My mission this week, then, is to get my butt in gear and even get ahead where possible. It should be easier with as much as Tim works this week ; ) With only three and a half weeks of classes left it feels like things just slip through my fingers no matter how hard I try to hold them but I know that I'll get through it one way or another. It might not be the most graceful landing but hey, I never said I was graceful :P
I am pumped for General Conference in two weeks! It's only really since coming to college that I've learned to look forward to General Conference which sounds horrid but it's true. This year is even more exciting because my lovely mother scored my some tickets to the Saturday session so I'm going to see it live for the first time ever. You could say that I'm rather psyched about the whole business : ] I've been to the devotionals where we've had General Authorities, we even had the entire Presidency come [on different days] my Freshman year. I've witnessed a room full to the brim of excited, chatty college students become almost instantly silent at the appearance of the prophet of God. It still gives me chills to think about so I can't even imagine how amazing it will be to be in the same room as all of them at once for two hours. The immensity of it all might just kill me, lol.
Well, it's supposed to rain today so I brought my massive golf umbrella to work with me. I really should buy a smaller one, or at least a golf-sized one that folds down much smaller than mine presently does. As much as I dislike being out in rain there is a part of me that hopes it rains because the last time I brought my umbrella it didn't rain and I looked like an idiot walking around campus all day with this huge, useless umbrella :P Besides, the flowers need watering so they can grow big and beautiful. I almost typed "strong" but then wondered if "strong" is really a good adjective to describe flowers.
At any rate, here's to hoping for a good, productive, and stressless day for everyone!
We figured it wouldn't be as busy at Timp but we were really surprised when we got there and were in and out in 40 minutes. We're hoping that the next time we go we can spend some more time inside, having a better idea now of the time it takes to get there and through.
I'm so excited to be able to do more in the temple. Chelsea's wedding planning is exciting and fun all around but I think my favorite part is how excited she is to get her endowment and to learn more about those things. I'm already incredibly jealous of her just for that. I can't wait to go through, even if it means getting my mind blown as Tim's described it. I'm excited to learn and to grow, to gain a greater appreciation and love for the temple and the blessings it offers my life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm working in partitions today, haha.
For the past week, week and a half, I've had a really hard time motivating myself to do things which means, of course, they've been building up. It's bizarre how I can make a list of things to do and then when I get time have absolutely no drive or interest in doing them. My mission this week, then, is to get my butt in gear and even get ahead where possible. It should be easier with as much as Tim works this week ; ) With only three and a half weeks of classes left it feels like things just slip through my fingers no matter how hard I try to hold them but I know that I'll get through it one way or another. It might not be the most graceful landing but hey, I never said I was graceful :P
I am pumped for General Conference in two weeks! It's only really since coming to college that I've learned to look forward to General Conference which sounds horrid but it's true. This year is even more exciting because my lovely mother scored my some tickets to the Saturday session so I'm going to see it live for the first time ever. You could say that I'm rather psyched about the whole business : ] I've been to the devotionals where we've had General Authorities, we even had the entire Presidency come [on different days] my Freshman year. I've witnessed a room full to the brim of excited, chatty college students become almost instantly silent at the appearance of the prophet of God. It still gives me chills to think about so I can't even imagine how amazing it will be to be in the same room as all of them at once for two hours. The immensity of it all might just kill me, lol.
Well, it's supposed to rain today so I brought my massive golf umbrella to work with me. I really should buy a smaller one, or at least a golf-sized one that folds down much smaller than mine presently does. As much as I dislike being out in rain there is a part of me that hopes it rains because the last time I brought my umbrella it didn't rain and I looked like an idiot walking around campus all day with this huge, useless umbrella :P Besides, the flowers need watering so they can grow big and beautiful. I almost typed "strong" but then wondered if "strong" is really a good adjective to describe flowers.
At any rate, here's to hoping for a good, productive, and stressless day for everyone!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
The sky's not the limit
I mean, really, how vague is "sky" anyway? Are we talking about the stratosphere or the troposphere? ...heh, bad joke :P
Anyway, I'm feeling a lot better today than I was yesterday aside from a nightmare I had last night. So, to celebrate getting that mess of an entry off the front spot here are some awesome things for your viewing pleasure. Some are shamelessly stolen from Amber but hey, copying is the most sincere form of flattery right?
Anyway, I'm feeling a lot better today than I was yesterday aside from a nightmare I had last night. So, to celebrate getting that mess of an entry off the front spot here are some awesome things for your viewing pleasure. Some are shamelessly stolen from Amber but hey, copying is the most sincere form of flattery right?
This gem I got from Tim who has it as his desktop background. This is just so incredibly funny to me.
A whole group of us are going to see Divine Comedy this weekend and this is just a taste of their stuff. And yes, those talks really do happen, though generally not as spectacularly as this one. I love their parodies which do such a phenomenal job of making fun of the way things can be out here xD If you're looking for good laughs look them up on youtube!
Recently I have found a fairly reliable site to check for the days weather [as reliable as you can get for Utah weather anyway] and with the changeable-ness of the weather at this time of year I've been checking it every morning before leaving for work. This morning I was excited to see that we're supposed to get up to 60 degrees this afternoon but the site was saying that it was currently 52 degrees. Being 7am and still rather dark outside I was naturally skeptical but, low and behold, it was actually rather warm! I'm excited for this and I love seeing the few daffodils and other little blossoms that have already popped up around campus. I can't wait for the tulips to bloom as there are going to be tons of them on the side of the ramp!
My little gratitude schpeal for today regards the test I took for my sociology class yesterday. Now, I am awful at planning ahead which includes studying for tests so I didn't get started till Monday night on my review. During my breaks yesterday I was reading through notes and writing summaries to articles, trying to get to everything before heading to the testing center. There have been so many handouts, outlines, and notes in this class it's kind of ridiculous. Our professor had advised us what outlines it would be beneficial to review and I had set those aside to look at if I felt I had time. It got to the point where I was sitting on the first floor [literally the floor] of the testing center and going over things one last time. I was seriously contemplating skipping the outlines and just taking the test because it was already getting late but I decided to review them even though it meant waiting even longer to get done with the test. I am so incredibly grateful that I followed that instruction because it turned out that about half of the multiple choice questions on the test came directly from outlines with review questions that we had received, literally word for word. In addition to that, I had been sure that I would take the option of the two short essays at the end instead of the one long one but upon seeing the available topics I realized that I wouldn't be able to write about the shorter essays but that I was entirely comfortable and prepared to write about the longer one. I know the Lord isn't going to tell us answers to questions that we haven't studied for but I do know that He can guide our study so that we can be best prepared for tests in our lives, whether academic or otherwise. D&C 38: 30 "wherefore, treasure up wisdom in your bosoms...if ye are prepared ye shall not fear." It's interesting, that scripture doesn't tell us that the things we come up against will be easy things to pass through and require no effort on our part, but it gives us the assurance that the Lord will be there to remind us of as much of the wisdom as we have treasured up if we will indeed do so :)
Recently I have found a fairly reliable site to check for the days weather [as reliable as you can get for Utah weather anyway] and with the changeable-ness of the weather at this time of year I've been checking it every morning before leaving for work. This morning I was excited to see that we're supposed to get up to 60 degrees this afternoon but the site was saying that it was currently 52 degrees. Being 7am and still rather dark outside I was naturally skeptical but, low and behold, it was actually rather warm! I'm excited for this and I love seeing the few daffodils and other little blossoms that have already popped up around campus. I can't wait for the tulips to bloom as there are going to be tons of them on the side of the ramp!
My little gratitude schpeal for today regards the test I took for my sociology class yesterday. Now, I am awful at planning ahead which includes studying for tests so I didn't get started till Monday night on my review. During my breaks yesterday I was reading through notes and writing summaries to articles, trying to get to everything before heading to the testing center. There have been so many handouts, outlines, and notes in this class it's kind of ridiculous. Our professor had advised us what outlines it would be beneficial to review and I had set those aside to look at if I felt I had time. It got to the point where I was sitting on the first floor [literally the floor] of the testing center and going over things one last time. I was seriously contemplating skipping the outlines and just taking the test because it was already getting late but I decided to review them even though it meant waiting even longer to get done with the test. I am so incredibly grateful that I followed that instruction because it turned out that about half of the multiple choice questions on the test came directly from outlines with review questions that we had received, literally word for word. In addition to that, I had been sure that I would take the option of the two short essays at the end instead of the one long one but upon seeing the available topics I realized that I wouldn't be able to write about the shorter essays but that I was entirely comfortable and prepared to write about the longer one. I know the Lord isn't going to tell us answers to questions that we haven't studied for but I do know that He can guide our study so that we can be best prepared for tests in our lives, whether academic or otherwise. D&C 38: 30 "wherefore, treasure up wisdom in your bosoms...if ye are prepared ye shall not fear." It's interesting, that scripture doesn't tell us that the things we come up against will be easy things to pass through and require no effort on our part, but it gives us the assurance that the Lord will be there to remind us of as much of the wisdom as we have treasured up if we will indeed do so :)
Monday, March 14, 2011
Daylight savings? Nonsense
Seriously, I don't really understand what we're saving here, because it definitely isn't sleep, and that's just cruel.
Have you heard of the college triangle? Well it goes like this: you put Social Life, Good Grades, and Sleep on the 3 corners. Then you're told to pick two. This is so incredibly true of college life it's not even funny, though it's vastly simplified as it doesn't even include things like a job or church callings, etc.
Myself, I work in the ILL [Inter-Library Loan] department of my school's library. As a "librarian" of sorts I've heard pretty much all of it, and a good bit of it isn't nice, but today I received possibly the most interesting complement I've ever heard. A student came into our office to pick up a book and after I handed it to him he said "You have a very nice librarian voice." Errrr, thanks? Days when you think you've seen it all or when you're getting so bored out of your mind, that kind of thing seems to pop up.
This weekend I've felt rather home-maker-y. On Friday, after checking out a BBQ place, Tim and I roamed the mall for a while which mostly included me dragging him into various stores like Tai Pan Trading Co. where I actually made a rather good find. We discovered the "on sale" shelves and I nabbed myself a killer set of four ceramic mixing bowls for $8. Are you impressed? I was impressed. Then, when Amber and I found ourselves along on Saturday night we decided to get crafty, with grocery bags. Seriously, we have like a bazillion of those things stuffed under our sink. Even we were surprised how many were there when we pulled them all out.
Rant of the day: This is a new segment that may appear formally or informally in the future. Today it is formally introduced because I have a title for it: Man, I feel like a woman, dun dun dun nun nun dun dun!
[Note: this segment is not for the squeamish kids who can't deal with words like "hormonal," you guys can go play with whatever it is toddlers play with these days.]
When girls are in about the 5th grade everybody gets "the talk" which, for a lot of kids, is the first time they hear words like "puberty," "menstruate," and "maturity." It's also the first time we hear about something called PMS. Now, when this condition is introduced it is portrayed as a time where girls run rampant like Godzilla, stomping around like angry lizards and eating the townspeople. I would like to take a moment to correct this image, not that this doesn't happen, however, as I've grown I've realized that PMS is actually a time when most women exercise an inhuman amount of patience and self-control.
Patience is a virtue best cultivated when one is feeling completely irrational and yet justified. Maturity comes when one is able to recognize that the way you feel is less about the stresses, etc of a situation [like wanting to cry when little things don't go the way you wanted them to or wanting to just walk out on your job when you are by yourself at work again because your boss and coworker are sick at the same time again and you feel like the most dependable thing about your office, minus the appreciation that usually garnishes] and more about something you can't control that will go away in a day or two. A lot of times, keeping my mouth shut is the biggest victory I can ask of myself on days like that. Not making sarcastic comments aimed at roommates or people who look at you "the wrong way," not making a big deal about being disappointed that a surprise totally flopped because you know it was your fault and it's not a big deal anyway.
This whole thing probably makes no sense unless you're a girl and that's fine. I think the biggest point I'd like to make [since making points is compulsory for me] is that, guys, don't criticize your girlfriend/girl friends and get angry at them when they seem to be PMSing because I guarantee you, because this is fact, that for every snarky comment and spontaneously combustible sob session, there have been, and will be, thousands more that you will never hear or see. In a perfect world we would all be able to always control our thoughts and moods and never say things that we don't mean but I'm sure you're all too eager to agree that we are not perfect, so some of it slips out here and there. We appreciate your patience and non-judgmental attitude as we work out the kinks, because we don't like them either.
End rant.
I promise I'll put up something happier soon. For now, here're two youtube videos for you, hopefully they balance each other out.
Have you heard of the college triangle? Well it goes like this: you put Social Life, Good Grades, and Sleep on the 3 corners. Then you're told to pick two. This is so incredibly true of college life it's not even funny, though it's vastly simplified as it doesn't even include things like a job or church callings, etc.
Myself, I work in the ILL [Inter-Library Loan] department of my school's library. As a "librarian" of sorts I've heard pretty much all of it, and a good bit of it isn't nice, but today I received possibly the most interesting complement I've ever heard. A student came into our office to pick up a book and after I handed it to him he said "You have a very nice librarian voice." Errrr, thanks? Days when you think you've seen it all or when you're getting so bored out of your mind, that kind of thing seems to pop up.
This weekend I've felt rather home-maker-y. On Friday, after checking out a BBQ place, Tim and I roamed the mall for a while which mostly included me dragging him into various stores like Tai Pan Trading Co. where I actually made a rather good find. We discovered the "on sale" shelves and I nabbed myself a killer set of four ceramic mixing bowls for $8. Are you impressed? I was impressed. Then, when Amber and I found ourselves along on Saturday night we decided to get crafty, with grocery bags. Seriously, we have like a bazillion of those things stuffed under our sink. Even we were surprised how many were there when we pulled them all out.
Rant of the day: This is a new segment that may appear formally or informally in the future. Today it is formally introduced because I have a title for it: Man, I feel like a woman, dun dun dun nun nun dun dun!
[Note: this segment is not for the squeamish kids who can't deal with words like "hormonal," you guys can go play with whatever it is toddlers play with these days.]
When girls are in about the 5th grade everybody gets "the talk" which, for a lot of kids, is the first time they hear words like "puberty," "menstruate," and "maturity." It's also the first time we hear about something called PMS. Now, when this condition is introduced it is portrayed as a time where girls run rampant like Godzilla, stomping around like angry lizards and eating the townspeople. I would like to take a moment to correct this image, not that this doesn't happen, however, as I've grown I've realized that PMS is actually a time when most women exercise an inhuman amount of patience and self-control.
Patience is a virtue best cultivated when one is feeling completely irrational and yet justified. Maturity comes when one is able to recognize that the way you feel is less about the stresses, etc of a situation [like wanting to cry when little things don't go the way you wanted them to or wanting to just walk out on your job when you are by yourself at work again because your boss and coworker are sick at the same time again and you feel like the most dependable thing about your office, minus the appreciation that usually garnishes] and more about something you can't control that will go away in a day or two. A lot of times, keeping my mouth shut is the biggest victory I can ask of myself on days like that. Not making sarcastic comments aimed at roommates or people who look at you "the wrong way," not making a big deal about being disappointed that a surprise totally flopped because you know it was your fault and it's not a big deal anyway.
This whole thing probably makes no sense unless you're a girl and that's fine. I think the biggest point I'd like to make [since making points is compulsory for me] is that, guys, don't criticize your girlfriend/girl friends and get angry at them when they seem to be PMSing because I guarantee you, because this is fact, that for every snarky comment and spontaneously combustible sob session, there have been, and will be, thousands more that you will never hear or see. In a perfect world we would all be able to always control our thoughts and moods and never say things that we don't mean but I'm sure you're all too eager to agree that we are not perfect, so some of it slips out here and there. We appreciate your patience and non-judgmental attitude as we work out the kinks, because we don't like them either.
End rant.
I promise I'll put up something happier soon. For now, here're two youtube videos for you, hopefully they balance each other out.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Friday, I'm in love
At the moment, I'm sitting in our kitchen, eating my very own bag of kettle corn. Granted, this makes typing more difficult but it is so worth it! I've pulled up the blinds and opened the window,determined to get as much of the beautiful weather into our apartment as possible. The past few days have been positively heavenly. For those who know how easily I get cold it's easiest to describe the weather in terms of the number of layers I've needed to wear. Well, on Wednesday I traded my pea-coat and sneakers in for a sweater and flip-flops. Yesterday I ditched even the sweatshirt and today is more of the same! It's so beautiful and one of the most tempting things to resist ditching school to go up into the mountains.
I look forward to Friday's every week as my sleep-in days and this morning was especially satisfying. Aside from a spectacular breakfast of 3 fried eggs and 2 pieces of slightly burned toast, there's just something about waking up when your body wants to, not your alarm. And waking up to a sunny day where you aren't wondering if you'll need a scarf or not is amazing. It's easy to see in the eyes and smiles of everyone on campus that an upturn in weather is just what everyone needed to provide an upturn in mood. Winter seems to drag on here like no other place, keeping its claws latched tightly to your windows and clinging to your skin. With the warmer temperatures it almost seems like we've been blind for the last several months and the sun has just begun to shine again, blinding us but making us incredibly happy at the same time.
People who have been stuck indoors for ever so long are out and about, lounging on grassy patches [because that's the only kind of grass they have here, patches], studying and even napping. On my way home after sociology today I saw some guy from my apartment complex making some salutations to the sun in the courtyard area. I found this amusing.
When you find a moment where the air is completely still you can smell summer in the sunshine that's soaking into everything like melted butter. Utah doesn't really have the seasons of spring and fall so I'm not at all surprised by the mental images of hot, sweaty days this produces. I am glad that I won't be lugging a backpack around with me this summer when I'm out and about but I can't wait to have midnight romps through streets still heated to 85 degrees. I'm an evening person at heart and during the colder months that means a lot of movies and silly game nights which are awesome but late-night walks and being able to find a dark spot to see the stars without bundling up is something else. I'm excited to be able to drive around with Tim and not be cold for once, just living in the beat of the music from the stereo and the hot breath of nature streaming into the car and running its fingers through my hair.
I want to not mind if my neighbors have a dance party till 2am because I don't have classes the next morning. I want to get a bike and pal around the city. I want to go on road trips until I'm so sore I can't sit down anymore. I want to read books until my eyes burn out. I want to sit outside until I burn and then watch the burn fade, not to a tan, but back to the sickly pale that is my natural skin tone. I want to miss the ocean. I want to have freshly made burgers from the grill. I want to swing like crazy on a swing set to make my own breezes when the wind dies. I want to remember ever second of every day that all of this is a gift. God's best birthday present ever.
I've never read the Screwtape letters [it's on our summer reading list] but I read an excerpt once that says that all pleasure comes from God, it cannot be created by any but him. So the next time you have an amazingly incredible day for no reason whatsoever, be grateful that He cares about you and wants you to have that happiness, even a greater one, forever. I know I am.
This song holds a very special place in my heart for a very special person but it applies to so much more than just that:
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Amusement, uproar, and Oreo truffles
So, after posting yesterday I checked my stats again and I now have a page view from Denmark. This just keeps getting better xD
Yesterday while in my sociology class my professor mentioned that the 25th Anniversary concert for Les Mis was on this weekend. Generally I'm not bothered by not having a working TV in our apartment but in that moment I felt inexplicably robbed. I hadn't even known this was coming up and I felt betrayed. To explain, I grew up with the VHS copy of the 10th Anniversary concert that my mom owned. I watched that more times that I can count before I ever even saw the musical in high school. That production has some of the most amazing music and characters that I've ever encountered and just watching it wears me out emotionally. I felt like I'd missed a very important and amazing opportunity this weekend. The only bright side I found to missing it was that apparently Nick Jonas was cast as Marius. Now, I loath Marius's character anyway, I think he's a tool along with being an idiot, but Nick Jonas? He was the only one in the performance who'd never had opera training and I'm not surprised that my professor and others that saw it noticed. Bah! I would really like to know what caused the producers to pick him. There's a rational explanation that they did so in order to appeal to "my" generation. I can see the thought process here, if ever so grudgingly, but I refuse to accept it as a good reason. If people are only going to watch it because a Jonas brother is in it then part of me doesn't want them to watch it at all which goes bizarrely against my usual instincts to share things I love like this but that whole decision cheapened this for me. I love Les Mis and introducing a pop-star to it degrades the art of it at least in part. I sound like one of those crazy, snooty art fanatics don't I? Well, I suppose that everyone's passionate about something and this is one of those things for me. :P
Amber made Oreo truffles yesterday to take to work with her. I'd never seen an Oreo truffle before and so was curious about this concoction. Apparently they consist mostly of Oreos, cream cheese, and white chocolate that forms the outer coating of the delicacy. Now, I'm not a white chocolate person by any means, I think the stuff is gross but I still wanted to try them. She ran out of chocolate about half way through and so several of the truffles received only a drizzle which was perfect for me. If you haven't had an Oreo truffle before suggest you get Amber to make them for you. Those things are so good. I was honestly a little surprised at how well they turned out but they actually tasted like "legit" truffles! I'm sorry I ate so many, not because I think I'll get fat or anything, but because it means there aren't any left...
You know those times when you feel like something will never happen but right when you start getting really down you see something or someone says something that makes you hopeful and happy again? I had one of those yesterday about the weather. Aside from it being so beautiful outside that I ditched my coat and sneakers before heading to stats in favor of a sweater and flip-flops, I saw something that made me insanely happy. There are buds on the trees! Spring is coming! I am so excited to walk up the ramp to class and pass all the beautiful flowers that have sprouted up along the way :)
Yesterday while in my sociology class my professor mentioned that the 25th Anniversary concert for Les Mis was on this weekend. Generally I'm not bothered by not having a working TV in our apartment but in that moment I felt inexplicably robbed. I hadn't even known this was coming up and I felt betrayed. To explain, I grew up with the VHS copy of the 10th Anniversary concert that my mom owned. I watched that more times that I can count before I ever even saw the musical in high school. That production has some of the most amazing music and characters that I've ever encountered and just watching it wears me out emotionally. I felt like I'd missed a very important and amazing opportunity this weekend. The only bright side I found to missing it was that apparently Nick Jonas was cast as Marius. Now, I loath Marius's character anyway, I think he's a tool along with being an idiot, but Nick Jonas? He was the only one in the performance who'd never had opera training and I'm not surprised that my professor and others that saw it noticed. Bah! I would really like to know what caused the producers to pick him. There's a rational explanation that they did so in order to appeal to "my" generation. I can see the thought process here, if ever so grudgingly, but I refuse to accept it as a good reason. If people are only going to watch it because a Jonas brother is in it then part of me doesn't want them to watch it at all which goes bizarrely against my usual instincts to share things I love like this but that whole decision cheapened this for me. I love Les Mis and introducing a pop-star to it degrades the art of it at least in part. I sound like one of those crazy, snooty art fanatics don't I? Well, I suppose that everyone's passionate about something and this is one of those things for me. :P
Amber made Oreo truffles yesterday to take to work with her. I'd never seen an Oreo truffle before and so was curious about this concoction. Apparently they consist mostly of Oreos, cream cheese, and white chocolate that forms the outer coating of the delicacy. Now, I'm not a white chocolate person by any means, I think the stuff is gross but I still wanted to try them. She ran out of chocolate about half way through and so several of the truffles received only a drizzle which was perfect for me. If you haven't had an Oreo truffle before suggest you get Amber to make them for you. Those things are so good. I was honestly a little surprised at how well they turned out but they actually tasted like "legit" truffles! I'm sorry I ate so many, not because I think I'll get fat or anything, but because it means there aren't any left...
You know those times when you feel like something will never happen but right when you start getting really down you see something or someone says something that makes you hopeful and happy again? I had one of those yesterday about the weather. Aside from it being so beautiful outside that I ditched my coat and sneakers before heading to stats in favor of a sweater and flip-flops, I saw something that made me insanely happy. There are buds on the trees! Spring is coming! I am so excited to walk up the ramp to class and pass all the beautiful flowers that have sprouted up along the way :)
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
All nature sings and 'round me rings the music of the spheres
The devotional went very well. The hardest part about singing in that setting is that our area was not built for acoustics and any sound produced is immediately snatched up by the invisible sound-eating monster that hovers somewhere over center court. This problem can be adjusted to when one remembers to sing with all the proper habits and a bit of faith but the second problem seems to require professional help sometimes.
Have you ever noticed how ridiculously difficult it is for people to arrange themselves by height? This is my third semester in this choir and every time we sing at devotional the same thing happens, everyone [mostly the girls] stand there with confused looks on their faces and do nothing. I'm 5'11" so every time we prep for devotional I just stand in the back and wait for everyone else to sort themselves out because I'm the tallest and that's where I'll end up anyway. But am I the only one who thinks that simply asking the person in front of you for their height, then comparing it to your own shouldn't be as painfully hard as some people make it out to be? I had quiet a few personal laughs yesterday.
So, our devotionals are broadcast over television which means that when you sing you're instructed not to look up at the monitor to see if you're on TV because if you are you'll look stupid. A plus of always being in the back row is that the camera people never sweep the back row, generally focusing more on the middle and lower sections of whatever choir is singing. This is why I was so astonished when first my roommate, then a barrage of other people throughout the day, including most of my ballet class, told me that they had seen me not once, but twice during the time we sang. Never have I felt so famous :P
All in all, yesterday was a good day for me. The spirit that attended the devotional seemed to follow me throughout the rest of work and classes and despite various conflicts and concerns in my life I felt good. I am forever grateful for the Lord's ability to help myself and others to soften our hearts. Life would not be what it is without it's ups and downs, even the painful ones, and I'm grateful for those who have gone before, who have lived longer than I and can help shed light on different areas of my life where I might be struggling to understand. Patience and forgiveness of my own and from others are the greatest blessings in my life.
Now, as much as I had a good day yesterday, I think this girl had a better day:
Have you ever noticed how ridiculously difficult it is for people to arrange themselves by height? This is my third semester in this choir and every time we sing at devotional the same thing happens, everyone [mostly the girls] stand there with confused looks on their faces and do nothing. I'm 5'11" so every time we prep for devotional I just stand in the back and wait for everyone else to sort themselves out because I'm the tallest and that's where I'll end up anyway. But am I the only one who thinks that simply asking the person in front of you for their height, then comparing it to your own shouldn't be as painfully hard as some people make it out to be? I had quiet a few personal laughs yesterday.
So, our devotionals are broadcast over television which means that when you sing you're instructed not to look up at the monitor to see if you're on TV because if you are you'll look stupid. A plus of always being in the back row is that the camera people never sweep the back row, generally focusing more on the middle and lower sections of whatever choir is singing. This is why I was so astonished when first my roommate, then a barrage of other people throughout the day, including most of my ballet class, told me that they had seen me not once, but twice during the time we sang. Never have I felt so famous :P
All in all, yesterday was a good day for me. The spirit that attended the devotional seemed to follow me throughout the rest of work and classes and despite various conflicts and concerns in my life I felt good. I am forever grateful for the Lord's ability to help myself and others to soften our hearts. Life would not be what it is without it's ups and downs, even the painful ones, and I'm grateful for those who have gone before, who have lived longer than I and can help shed light on different areas of my life where I might be struggling to understand. Patience and forgiveness of my own and from others are the greatest blessings in my life.
Now, as much as I had a good day yesterday, I think this girl had a better day:
I'm in a video mood today so here's another. I absolutely love this song by Katy Perry. Please get over yourselves about the somewhat awkwardness of parts of the video and just listen to the music. It's the best anthem song I've heard in a while and it just makes me want to dance.
Also, I love Abba music. If you've never heard them I recommend starting with the soundtrack from Mamma Mia [the movie]. I'm not a huge fan of the movie but they do a beautiful job with the music :]
Last night we made another epic journey to Winco, bringing Amber with us as well this time. It's amazing how much food you can get at places like this without breaking even a college student's bank. I love it. Especially when my wonderful boyfriend pushes me around while I sit on the end of the cart ;) And there's nothing quite like knowing someone dreams of you :]
I've been meaning to mention this for a while but I kept forgetting. Along with blogging here they let you check various stats like page views, etc and they even tell you where people are viewing your blog from, country wise. This is where things get interesting. I noticed one day that underneath the views I've gotten from the U.S. there was one view listed from Malaysia. Weird, right? Well, after several days that page view went away only to be replaced with a page view from Austria. Tim theorized that have international stalkers. Just the other day I checked again and Austria is gone but now there's a view from China. The weirdest thing is I don't know anyone in any of these countries. I figure that they just passed by me on their way through the site but to any international viewers, accidental or not, I'd just like to say hi and thanks for stopping by, seeing those fun bits make my day :)
I've been meaning to mention this for a while but I kept forgetting. Along with blogging here they let you check various stats like page views, etc and they even tell you where people are viewing your blog from, country wise. This is where things get interesting. I noticed one day that underneath the views I've gotten from the U.S. there was one view listed from Malaysia. Weird, right? Well, after several days that page view went away only to be replaced with a page view from Austria. Tim theorized that have international stalkers. Just the other day I checked again and Austria is gone but now there's a view from China. The weirdest thing is I don't know anyone in any of these countries. I figure that they just passed by me on their way through the site but to any international viewers, accidental or not, I'd just like to say hi and thanks for stopping by, seeing those fun bits make my day :)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
You're as cold as ice
It rained basically all of yesterday which turned to snow overnight. So much for keeping that wonderful warm weather I guess :P
I wonder sometimes if the weeks seem to go so fast because I love the weekends so much. This last weekend was no exception. Tim and I spent Saturday together not doing much of anything which was fine by me. Sonic and nap time were enough for me, just being with him. Saturday night brought some amazing awesome spectacular news and I don't think I've ever seen Tim so happy :)
I was even blessed this weekend with a solution to a computer problem that crept up on me on Friday which is why I went without my computer pretty much all weekend but Tim's roommate was generous enough to lend me his help and save my computer from the utter and total destruction that I'm always afraid is coming whenever something happens to my computer.
On Sunday we went up to American Fork for his newest nephew's baby blessing. It'd been a seriously long time since I'd last been in a family ward and I'm pretty sure the children outnumbered the adults in the room by at least 3:1. It was so fun for me to be around so much of his family with little kids climbing over and around us where we had perhaps unwisely sat: between parents and grandparents. It all seemed especially silly when I realized that we were the only people without kids there :P The experience of the blessing itself was phenomenal. I cannot even begin to describe the intense and powerful emotion that I felt fill the room or why I was crying. There wasn't anything sad or upsetting about it, no, the feeling was just of pure and overwhelming joy. I have never been so happy as when I have been this happy for someone else :)
It's days like these when I know everything's right but it can be hard to hold onto that, especially when you question things as much as I do. Having a lousy day on top of things does you no favors either. By the time I got home yesterday, skipping the rest of Stats because I'd already missed half of it taking a test for it, there was nothing I wanted more than to throw a full-out 5-year-old temper tantrum, complete with stomping about the apartment in my soggy shoes, soaked as I was from the rain. There is only one thing that can quite destroy a day like that for me and that's math. I got a 92 on the multiple choice so you say "what's your problem?" Well, the problem is I have no idea how I did that. I guessed on more than the five questions I missed and despite all my study and feeling prepared, the instant I sat down to the test my brain reminded me that I can't read math, it's a language I'll never master, not that I care to. I just hope my chances of passing this class on luck keep up until the end of the semester. My roommates noticed right away that something was rather amiss, probably because I don't generally make a habit out of walking about in a positively foul mood. Unfortunately, I seem to be one of those ornery people who grow increasingly ornery as people ask them why they're ornery. This is, of course, entirely unfair to expect someone to know right away why you feel like morphing into a dinosaur and eating the nest person who so much as looks at you and I am grateful that though I cannot change my mood on a dime, I have at least enough control on myself to thoroughly filter thoughts before I let them out of my mouth.
A better mood always comes though, sooner or later. Last night it came sooner in the sense that by the time Tim got off work I wasn't nearly so angry anymore which meant I didn't feel like I needed saving anymore. This idea was, and always is, inaccurate. Something about growing up in my family has made me inadequately self-sufficient as well as stubbornly stoic beyond all reason. I need to learn to let others help me, at least once in a while, start small right? It's awfully hard to have a knight in shining armor when you never let him come to the rescue you know. We're never done growing and learning are we? There's always something else to refine, habits to check and behavioral patterns to correct. I often think that the refiners fire would be much easier to bear if our failures to become humble and change did not affect those we love, but without them I doubt we would desire the change as much.
Have you ever pushed through discomfort in order to give someone as much truth as you know and then in the telling of it, realize that it doesn't ring true in your ears? Funny how talking out loud can change the way you feel about things...
My choral class was asked to sing at devotional today and though it'll be a bit more challenging to sing This is My Father's World on a cold snowy day like today, I am excited nonetheless. This is probably my favorite song in our entire program this semester and I'm glad that we get to share it with so many people! I know all too well how easy it is to get down and not even feel like getting up, to want to stay down. This song always brings me back to that "attitude of gratitude" though and I'm always amazed at how much better everything becomes when I am focused on my blessings instead of things I may feel I lack. "Though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet." I am not entitled, I am blessed.
I wonder sometimes if the weeks seem to go so fast because I love the weekends so much. This last weekend was no exception. Tim and I spent Saturday together not doing much of anything which was fine by me. Sonic and nap time were enough for me, just being with him. Saturday night brought some amazing awesome spectacular news and I don't think I've ever seen Tim so happy :)
I was even blessed this weekend with a solution to a computer problem that crept up on me on Friday which is why I went without my computer pretty much all weekend but Tim's roommate was generous enough to lend me his help and save my computer from the utter and total destruction that I'm always afraid is coming whenever something happens to my computer.
On Sunday we went up to American Fork for his newest nephew's baby blessing. It'd been a seriously long time since I'd last been in a family ward and I'm pretty sure the children outnumbered the adults in the room by at least 3:1. It was so fun for me to be around so much of his family with little kids climbing over and around us where we had perhaps unwisely sat: between parents and grandparents. It all seemed especially silly when I realized that we were the only people without kids there :P The experience of the blessing itself was phenomenal. I cannot even begin to describe the intense and powerful emotion that I felt fill the room or why I was crying. There wasn't anything sad or upsetting about it, no, the feeling was just of pure and overwhelming joy. I have never been so happy as when I have been this happy for someone else :)
It's days like these when I know everything's right but it can be hard to hold onto that, especially when you question things as much as I do. Having a lousy day on top of things does you no favors either. By the time I got home yesterday, skipping the rest of Stats because I'd already missed half of it taking a test for it, there was nothing I wanted more than to throw a full-out 5-year-old temper tantrum, complete with stomping about the apartment in my soggy shoes, soaked as I was from the rain. There is only one thing that can quite destroy a day like that for me and that's math. I got a 92 on the multiple choice so you say "what's your problem?" Well, the problem is I have no idea how I did that. I guessed on more than the five questions I missed and despite all my study and feeling prepared, the instant I sat down to the test my brain reminded me that I can't read math, it's a language I'll never master, not that I care to. I just hope my chances of passing this class on luck keep up until the end of the semester. My roommates noticed right away that something was rather amiss, probably because I don't generally make a habit out of walking about in a positively foul mood. Unfortunately, I seem to be one of those ornery people who grow increasingly ornery as people ask them why they're ornery. This is, of course, entirely unfair to expect someone to know right away why you feel like morphing into a dinosaur and eating the nest person who so much as looks at you and I am grateful that though I cannot change my mood on a dime, I have at least enough control on myself to thoroughly filter thoughts before I let them out of my mouth.
A better mood always comes though, sooner or later. Last night it came sooner in the sense that by the time Tim got off work I wasn't nearly so angry anymore which meant I didn't feel like I needed saving anymore. This idea was, and always is, inaccurate. Something about growing up in my family has made me inadequately self-sufficient as well as stubbornly stoic beyond all reason. I need to learn to let others help me, at least once in a while, start small right? It's awfully hard to have a knight in shining armor when you never let him come to the rescue you know. We're never done growing and learning are we? There's always something else to refine, habits to check and behavioral patterns to correct. I often think that the refiners fire would be much easier to bear if our failures to become humble and change did not affect those we love, but without them I doubt we would desire the change as much.
Have you ever pushed through discomfort in order to give someone as much truth as you know and then in the telling of it, realize that it doesn't ring true in your ears? Funny how talking out loud can change the way you feel about things...
My choral class was asked to sing at devotional today and though it'll be a bit more challenging to sing This is My Father's World on a cold snowy day like today, I am excited nonetheless. This is probably my favorite song in our entire program this semester and I'm glad that we get to share it with so many people! I know all too well how easy it is to get down and not even feel like getting up, to want to stay down. This song always brings me back to that "attitude of gratitude" though and I'm always amazed at how much better everything becomes when I am focused on my blessings instead of things I may feel I lack. "Though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet." I am not entitled, I am blessed.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Ducks can eat mold, right?
If not, then I may have just made the entire duck population of the pond south of campus ill. But I hope not. I don't know that I've ever actually fed birds before which might explain why a late night escapade to the duck pond last night with a slightly moldy muffin was so entertaining to me. I'd meant to bring something the last couple of times Tim and I went to visit them but never actually remembered to until last night. Ducks are funny creatures you know. There are rather a lot of them at that little pond and I'm curious how that works out. Do the mallards have their own female ducks or is everybody just together? There was a three-some that we watched that I found humorous because while one might say the mallard was herding the two females it looked more often like he was just following them around, like an annoyingly clingy and over-attentive guy, we've all met one. The weirdest thing by far is that occasionally a mallard would attack one of the female ducks. I don't understand that at all. I could see the mallards fighting but why would a mallard chase of a girl? Wouldn't you think he'd be happy to add another to his group? Perhaps there are outcasts even in this little duck community, something Scarlet Letter-ish going on. At any rate I hope to return for more duck-feeding-fun :)
Last night Tim gave Chelsea and I a ride to the mall for her appointment with the seamstress for her dress. I thought it was rather brave of him to come and listen to all that girly stuff but he was a total sport about it :) I am especially glad for that because both our other roommates were working so I was the only one who could go with her and there was no way I was letting her go alone. First off, this is Chelsea we're talking about, and second, if/when I am in her position I would never want to go by myself. With so much changing at that point in your life I imagine it's nice to have something more constant around like your friends.
Allow me to go on a brief tangent. Yesterday when I was in choir my chap-stick committed suicide which I suspected when the wheel you twist to spin it up was rotating freely upon extraction from my pocket. My suspicions were confirmed when I uncapped it to discover that it had decapitated itself. Now, I know this probably seems of little consequence to most people, especially guys, but running out of chap-stick can be a rather big deal. For one, it's amazing how particular you can get when it comes to chap-stick preferences. Myself, I have become attached to the Burt's Bees brand and it's not always as easy to find them as you might think. Most places only sell lip gloss these days and I am not a lip gloss girl for several reasons, one of which being I generally end up mostly eating it instead of letting it fulfill it's original purpose. I was unable to find a replacement as we browsed the mall and so waited until this morning to get another one from the bookstore. It seems silly, even to me, but going all morning without chap-stick drove me crazy. Maybe it's just me, but licking your lips just doesn't do the job sometimes, especially when you live in such a dry climate as this. After an unpleasant surprise resulting from a choice to try a new "flavor" I have at last obtained a new, suitably acceptable chap-stick and I feel complete once more, haha.
Being outside makes me happy these days, especially as it warms up. I've never considered myself to me much of a "rough-it" kind of girl and I doubt I ever will but I find myself getting really excited for the prospect of hiking in the mountains and discovering new [to me] vistas to soak up! I've recently passed an idea by my mom about the summer and I'm rather excited. Ever since Amber suggested it I've become more and more attached to it. There's so much I'm looking forward to this summer and so many things I want to do. I want to get a bike and cruise around on lazy evenings. I want to go star gazing late at night when it's still so warm that you don't even need a jacket. I want to get a sewing machine, patterns and cloth. I want to build something, write something, be something. I remember looking forward to summer break in elementary and high school but they were never really breaks because we always had homework. I'll be working all summer but there'll be no homework in site and between Tim's and Amber's cars mobility won't be much of a hindrance for plans of exploration. I can dip my feet in the Pacific Ocean, play frisbee golf in Arizona mountains and brush up on my photography skills all along the way. It's incredible how exciting life is, we just don't see it all the time ^^
Last night Tim gave Chelsea and I a ride to the mall for her appointment with the seamstress for her dress. I thought it was rather brave of him to come and listen to all that girly stuff but he was a total sport about it :) I am especially glad for that because both our other roommates were working so I was the only one who could go with her and there was no way I was letting her go alone. First off, this is Chelsea we're talking about, and second, if/when I am in her position I would never want to go by myself. With so much changing at that point in your life I imagine it's nice to have something more constant around like your friends.
Allow me to go on a brief tangent. Yesterday when I was in choir my chap-stick committed suicide which I suspected when the wheel you twist to spin it up was rotating freely upon extraction from my pocket. My suspicions were confirmed when I uncapped it to discover that it had decapitated itself. Now, I know this probably seems of little consequence to most people, especially guys, but running out of chap-stick can be a rather big deal. For one, it's amazing how particular you can get when it comes to chap-stick preferences. Myself, I have become attached to the Burt's Bees brand and it's not always as easy to find them as you might think. Most places only sell lip gloss these days and I am not a lip gloss girl for several reasons, one of which being I generally end up mostly eating it instead of letting it fulfill it's original purpose. I was unable to find a replacement as we browsed the mall and so waited until this morning to get another one from the bookstore. It seems silly, even to me, but going all morning without chap-stick drove me crazy. Maybe it's just me, but licking your lips just doesn't do the job sometimes, especially when you live in such a dry climate as this. After an unpleasant surprise resulting from a choice to try a new "flavor" I have at last obtained a new, suitably acceptable chap-stick and I feel complete once more, haha.
Being outside makes me happy these days, especially as it warms up. I've never considered myself to me much of a "rough-it" kind of girl and I doubt I ever will but I find myself getting really excited for the prospect of hiking in the mountains and discovering new [to me] vistas to soak up! I've recently passed an idea by my mom about the summer and I'm rather excited. Ever since Amber suggested it I've become more and more attached to it. There's so much I'm looking forward to this summer and so many things I want to do. I want to get a bike and cruise around on lazy evenings. I want to go star gazing late at night when it's still so warm that you don't even need a jacket. I want to get a sewing machine, patterns and cloth. I want to build something, write something, be something. I remember looking forward to summer break in elementary and high school but they were never really breaks because we always had homework. I'll be working all summer but there'll be no homework in site and between Tim's and Amber's cars mobility won't be much of a hindrance for plans of exploration. I can dip my feet in the Pacific Ocean, play frisbee golf in Arizona mountains and brush up on my photography skills all along the way. It's incredible how exciting life is, we just don't see it all the time ^^
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
When I rule the world, I'll plant flowers......When I rule the world I'll have...snakes >:]
If you haven't seen A Very Potter Musical and its squeal get off your studious behind and go procrastinate for a couple hours. Here, I've even got the link to get you started:
We're seeing an upturn in the weather that's continuing today as far as I've seen so far. I even wore flip-flops last night! Granted, I was also wearing my pea-coat but hey, I figured I should start breaking them in since I bought them at the end of last fall and never wore them. They make me miss my old flip-flops but I couldn't find a pair of the same kind to replace them so I hope this new brand doesn't let me down. Flip-flops are important and sometimes fickle things and I don't have the time or patience to deal with less than optimal flip-flops in the summer, it's too easy to kick them off and just go bare-foot.
So our apartment complex has decided to install a pantry in our apartment and I had completely forgotten that they would be starting construction yesterday so I was surprised to come home to carpet fragments where there were none, moved furniture, and 2x4 studs enclosing a small space bordering on the living room. The workers had left all their tools in the apartment and instead of being annoyed, it actually made me smile. My dad teaches "shop" at a local middle school so I've grown up around most of the tools that I saw in our apartment and the "under construction" look of the whole business reminded me of home as well. Our house has been and is under constant renovation which isn't altogether surprising when you know it was bought as a barn. I've seen foundations poured, walls go up and down, new rooms roofed, etc since I was little. Wood, nails, hammers and other carpentry and woodworking tools were a part of my childhood and "fresh" wood is one of my favorite smells in the whole world. It's nice to have that piece of home again, remembering all the projects and the many times I've held the other end of a board my dad's been planing, breathing in sawdust like air and tinkering around with the scraps he kept under the radial arm saw. Childhood is good :)
You know what else is good? Funny videos about little girls learning ballet. Like this one:
They are funny because people my age have the same problems, we're just not nearly as cute :P
It's funny how two people can be in incredibly similar positions and get frustrated with each other for the way they act even though it's basically the same. Luckily for me, this hasn't resulted in any injuries yet and food softens most conversations as well as humor, even if some people's humor makes you want to hit them once in a while.
For lack of interesting things to say at the moment I shall leave off with another video because 3 is my favorite number :P
We're seeing an upturn in the weather that's continuing today as far as I've seen so far. I even wore flip-flops last night! Granted, I was also wearing my pea-coat but hey, I figured I should start breaking them in since I bought them at the end of last fall and never wore them. They make me miss my old flip-flops but I couldn't find a pair of the same kind to replace them so I hope this new brand doesn't let me down. Flip-flops are important and sometimes fickle things and I don't have the time or patience to deal with less than optimal flip-flops in the summer, it's too easy to kick them off and just go bare-foot.
So our apartment complex has decided to install a pantry in our apartment and I had completely forgotten that they would be starting construction yesterday so I was surprised to come home to carpet fragments where there were none, moved furniture, and 2x4 studs enclosing a small space bordering on the living room. The workers had left all their tools in the apartment and instead of being annoyed, it actually made me smile. My dad teaches "shop" at a local middle school so I've grown up around most of the tools that I saw in our apartment and the "under construction" look of the whole business reminded me of home as well. Our house has been and is under constant renovation which isn't altogether surprising when you know it was bought as a barn. I've seen foundations poured, walls go up and down, new rooms roofed, etc since I was little. Wood, nails, hammers and other carpentry and woodworking tools were a part of my childhood and "fresh" wood is one of my favorite smells in the whole world. It's nice to have that piece of home again, remembering all the projects and the many times I've held the other end of a board my dad's been planing, breathing in sawdust like air and tinkering around with the scraps he kept under the radial arm saw. Childhood is good :)
You know what else is good? Funny videos about little girls learning ballet. Like this one:
It's funny how two people can be in incredibly similar positions and get frustrated with each other for the way they act even though it's basically the same. Luckily for me, this hasn't resulted in any injuries yet and food softens most conversations as well as humor, even if some people's humor makes you want to hit them once in a while.
For lack of interesting things to say at the moment I shall leave off with another video because 3 is my favorite number :P
Okay, I lied, I was looking through my youtube videos and came across this one which I'd totally forgotten about. Anyone who knows Potter-Puppet-Pals should appreciate this invention of genius and I'll eat my hat if it doesn't keep you busy for quite some time :] So I suppose that for this once I can let go of my favorite number. Hey, it's symmetrical now!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
You snaggiting maroon
Silly insults can be so fun to come up with especially when they stem from words or phrases that aren't even close to insults. For example: snaggit. Snaggit came as a product of parking space hunting with Tim. When a space opened up I told him to snag it. Honestly, though, college is eroding my ability to speak properly and so the suggestion came out more like snaggit and it stuck. Maroon comes from someone in Tim's family though he's not quite sure who. I find it a rather entertaining spin on "moron."
Silly insults are fun until the insult isn't silly or funny anymore much like an email I received at work this morning in response to a request I made to another library. Judging by the heated-ness of the verbal accostation [and yes, I'm making words up as I go] I'd say that someone has gone too long without a vacation or support/appreciation. I was honestly startled at the immediate vehemence but the conversation ended in a much improved manner which is helping to make the whole thing laughable instead of borderline enraging, haha.
I have an essay due in my sociology class tomorrow that I'm actually interested in writing. I know, blaspheme. No one is allowed to be interested in writing essays in college and generally I hold to that as most essays are not worth getting interested in. This one's a little different, however. For this essay we are supposed to think of one or a few experiences with any area[s] within the humanities that have had a profound influence on us. This is the kind of writing I like to do. The hardest part here is, of course, picking the one or few things to write about. My initial response, and biggest portion of my paper is music. For as long as I can remember [depending on the day that range fluctuates] music has been the best and most consistent medium through which I connect to the larger world and myself at the same time. The ancient Greeks created this thing called the doctrine of ethos which refers to the effect music can have on a person's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and while the idea is still regarded skeptically by many, I can't help but believe it. I selected 3 songs that I have sung in university choral that have had special significance for me. I would post videos for them but I can't find any that are to my liking when I can find them at all. The first is a song called My Eternal King which was an arrangement that I can't find a recording of on youtube, the same with Emmanuel and My Eternal King. This last is an arrangement by Mack Wilberg, the conductor of the Tabernacle Choir. I'm actually fairly depressed that I can't share them because these are some of my favorite choir pieces ever, maybe I can find a way to get my recordings up here. Each of them have gotten so under my skin that singing them is a challenge because the entire time I'm fighting the urge to burst into tears [happy ones]. I'm also referencing Congratulations by Blue October which I've already linked in another post. There is just something about music that speaks better than I ever could and evokes feelings that are so much more potent than anything I could imagine myself especially when it comes to situations that I've never experienced like the one expressed in Congratulations. As much as I love to write and love to view art, etc, there is no substitute for music and the very special place I have for it in my heart and soul.
My love of the humanities doesn't stop at music though. As I was telling Tim recently, I feel like I live my life in the humanities, only stepping outside into math and science when I absolutely have to. My personal belief is that psychology, specifically counseling, is a part of the humanities, lol. I'm also trying to include non-music things and I immediately thought of my visit to the Holocaust museum in D.C. about two years ago now. I am fascinated with the Holocaust which sounds incredibly morbid, I know, but there's something about it that draws me to it even though it sickens me, literally. After walking through that museum I felt physically ill and it took me a good portion of the rest of the day to recover though the haunted feeling lingers for far longer. I have been to a lot of museums in my life and while I have loved many the Holocaust museum beats out all the others hands down. I can't even describe to someone who hasn't been there how perfectly it is all put together, how potent the experience and how even though some things really make you want to vomit you keep looking because this is what we must learn from, this is something we can never let happen again. This place is not for the faint of heart or stomach but I recommend it to anyone headed to D.C.
So. It is officially March and I am glad. These next two weeks will be about flying by the seat of my pants but I'll get through. It's handy that my block class just ended last week, opening up 6 hours of my week for homework and study time. Hopefully I can harness that the way I should.
Chances are I'll encounter numerous distractions though, like rousing games of Mystery Mansion as we played at FHE last night. It's hilarious to watch grown students get so into a board game that's so old it was purchased on ebay. Personally, I hope I never lose that excitement. I plan on being one of those parents that smothers their children with enthusiasm for things that may be deemed "old" like board and card games and Broadway and museums :)
At the end of FHE last night, as we were standing around munching cookies and drinking milk, someone asked us what we would be a spokesperson for if we could be a spokesperson for anything. It's a bizarre and yet intriguing question, especially as the asker [a male] said he would be a spokesperson for argyle and he's definitely not gay. I had a hard time thinking of something and though my original idea was to be a spokesperson for grass and trees I declined answering as such from embarassment. But I have admitted it now so now I ask you, dear readers, what would you be a spokesperson for?
Silly insults are fun until the insult isn't silly or funny anymore much like an email I received at work this morning in response to a request I made to another library. Judging by the heated-ness of the verbal accostation [and yes, I'm making words up as I go] I'd say that someone has gone too long without a vacation or support/appreciation. I was honestly startled at the immediate vehemence but the conversation ended in a much improved manner which is helping to make the whole thing laughable instead of borderline enraging, haha.
I have an essay due in my sociology class tomorrow that I'm actually interested in writing. I know, blaspheme. No one is allowed to be interested in writing essays in college and generally I hold to that as most essays are not worth getting interested in. This one's a little different, however. For this essay we are supposed to think of one or a few experiences with any area[s] within the humanities that have had a profound influence on us. This is the kind of writing I like to do. The hardest part here is, of course, picking the one or few things to write about. My initial response, and biggest portion of my paper is music. For as long as I can remember [depending on the day that range fluctuates] music has been the best and most consistent medium through which I connect to the larger world and myself at the same time. The ancient Greeks created this thing called the doctrine of ethos which refers to the effect music can have on a person's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and while the idea is still regarded skeptically by many, I can't help but believe it. I selected 3 songs that I have sung in university choral that have had special significance for me. I would post videos for them but I can't find any that are to my liking when I can find them at all. The first is a song called My Eternal King which was an arrangement that I can't find a recording of on youtube, the same with Emmanuel and My Eternal King. This last is an arrangement by Mack Wilberg, the conductor of the Tabernacle Choir. I'm actually fairly depressed that I can't share them because these are some of my favorite choir pieces ever, maybe I can find a way to get my recordings up here. Each of them have gotten so under my skin that singing them is a challenge because the entire time I'm fighting the urge to burst into tears [happy ones]. I'm also referencing Congratulations by Blue October which I've already linked in another post. There is just something about music that speaks better than I ever could and evokes feelings that are so much more potent than anything I could imagine myself especially when it comes to situations that I've never experienced like the one expressed in Congratulations. As much as I love to write and love to view art, etc, there is no substitute for music and the very special place I have for it in my heart and soul.
My love of the humanities doesn't stop at music though. As I was telling Tim recently, I feel like I live my life in the humanities, only stepping outside into math and science when I absolutely have to. My personal belief is that psychology, specifically counseling, is a part of the humanities, lol. I'm also trying to include non-music things and I immediately thought of my visit to the Holocaust museum in D.C. about two years ago now. I am fascinated with the Holocaust which sounds incredibly morbid, I know, but there's something about it that draws me to it even though it sickens me, literally. After walking through that museum I felt physically ill and it took me a good portion of the rest of the day to recover though the haunted feeling lingers for far longer. I have been to a lot of museums in my life and while I have loved many the Holocaust museum beats out all the others hands down. I can't even describe to someone who hasn't been there how perfectly it is all put together, how potent the experience and how even though some things really make you want to vomit you keep looking because this is what we must learn from, this is something we can never let happen again. This place is not for the faint of heart or stomach but I recommend it to anyone headed to D.C.
So. It is officially March and I am glad. These next two weeks will be about flying by the seat of my pants but I'll get through. It's handy that my block class just ended last week, opening up 6 hours of my week for homework and study time. Hopefully I can harness that the way I should.
Chances are I'll encounter numerous distractions though, like rousing games of Mystery Mansion as we played at FHE last night. It's hilarious to watch grown students get so into a board game that's so old it was purchased on ebay. Personally, I hope I never lose that excitement. I plan on being one of those parents that smothers their children with enthusiasm for things that may be deemed "old" like board and card games and Broadway and museums :)
At the end of FHE last night, as we were standing around munching cookies and drinking milk, someone asked us what we would be a spokesperson for if we could be a spokesperson for anything. It's a bizarre and yet intriguing question, especially as the asker [a male] said he would be a spokesperson for argyle and he's definitely not gay. I had a hard time thinking of something and though my original idea was to be a spokesperson for grass and trees I declined answering as such from embarassment. But I have admitted it now so now I ask you, dear readers, what would you be a spokesperson for?
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