It rained basically all of yesterday which turned to snow overnight. So much for keeping that wonderful warm weather I guess :P
I wonder sometimes if the weeks seem to go so fast because I love the weekends so much. This last weekend was no exception. Tim and I spent Saturday together not doing much of anything which was fine by me. Sonic and nap time were enough for me, just being with him. Saturday night brought some amazing awesome spectacular news and I don't think I've ever seen Tim so happy :)
I was even blessed this weekend with a solution to a computer problem that crept up on me on Friday which is why I went without my computer pretty much all weekend but Tim's roommate was generous enough to lend me his help and save my computer from the utter and total destruction that I'm always afraid is coming whenever something happens to my computer.
On Sunday we went up to American Fork for his newest nephew's baby blessing. It'd been a seriously long time since I'd last been in a family ward and I'm pretty sure the children outnumbered the adults in the room by at least 3:1. It was so fun for me to be around so much of his family with little kids climbing over and around us where we had perhaps unwisely sat: between parents and grandparents. It all seemed especially silly when I realized that we were the only people without kids there :P The experience of the blessing itself was phenomenal. I cannot even begin to describe the intense and powerful emotion that I felt fill the room or why I was crying. There wasn't anything sad or upsetting about it, no, the feeling was just of pure and overwhelming joy. I have never been so happy as when I have been this happy for someone else :)
It's days like these when I know everything's right but it can be hard to hold onto that, especially when you question things as much as I do. Having a lousy day on top of things does you no favors either. By the time I got home yesterday, skipping the rest of Stats because I'd already missed half of it taking a test for it, there was nothing I wanted more than to throw a full-out 5-year-old temper tantrum, complete with stomping about the apartment in my soggy shoes, soaked as I was from the rain. There is only one thing that can quite destroy a day like that for me and that's math. I got a 92 on the multiple choice so you say "what's your problem?" Well, the problem is I have no idea how I did that. I guessed on more than the five questions I missed and despite all my study and feeling prepared, the instant I sat down to the test my brain reminded me that I can't read math, it's a language I'll never master, not that I care to. I just hope my chances of passing this class on luck keep up until the end of the semester. My roommates noticed right away that something was rather amiss, probably because I don't generally make a habit out of walking about in a positively foul mood. Unfortunately, I seem to be one of those ornery people who grow increasingly ornery as people ask them why they're ornery. This is, of course, entirely unfair to expect someone to know right away why you feel like morphing into a dinosaur and eating the nest person who so much as looks at you and I am grateful that though I cannot change my mood on a dime, I have at least enough control on myself to thoroughly filter thoughts before I let them out of my mouth.
A better mood always comes though, sooner or later. Last night it came sooner in the sense that by the time Tim got off work I wasn't nearly so angry anymore which meant I didn't feel like I needed saving anymore. This idea was, and always is, inaccurate. Something about growing up in my family has made me inadequately self-sufficient as well as stubbornly stoic beyond all reason. I need to learn to let others help me, at least once in a while, start small right? It's awfully hard to have a knight in shining armor when you never let him come to the rescue you know. We're never done growing and learning are we? There's always something else to refine, habits to check and behavioral patterns to correct. I often think that the refiners fire would be much easier to bear if our failures to become humble and change did not affect those we love, but without them I doubt we would desire the change as much.
Have you ever pushed through discomfort in order to give someone as much truth as you know and then in the telling of it, realize that it doesn't ring true in your ears? Funny how talking out loud can change the way you feel about things...
My choral class was asked to sing at devotional today and though it'll be a bit more challenging to sing This is My Father's World on a cold snowy day like today, I am excited nonetheless. This is probably my favorite song in our entire program this semester and I'm glad that we get to share it with so many people! I know all too well how easy it is to get down and not even feel like getting up, to want to stay down. This song always brings me back to that "attitude of gratitude" though and I'm always amazed at how much better everything becomes when I am focused on my blessings instead of things I may feel I lack. "Though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet." I am not entitled, I am blessed.
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