What's in a name?

Lately I've been thinking about the idea of what changing my name would mean [I mean my last name, don't worry, I'm keeping my first name :P] On one hand, I would finally have a middle name [haha] but I remember how hard it was for me to figure out how to sign my own last name, it would be weird to suddenly be signing a new one. How do you reconcile the two? Who you were and who you then are? It's probably a silly thing, I mean, you're not really a different person, but suddenly people are calling you by a new name and expecting you to respond. I imagine it takes girls a while to get used to that. And do you ever really respond the same way? There's something very grown up about taking the name of another person, becoming an extension of their family. No matter how old you are, getting a new last name is almost like cutting the final strings attaching you to your family the way it was when you were growing up. You're still a part of that family of course, but despite how much your dad may still claim that you'll always be his little girl, you aren't, and can't really be, that little girl anymore. That's kind of scary. Because, if you aren't that little girl anymore, who are you? Does changing your name have a fundamental impact on your self-perception?

I'm not knocking marriage and taking on your partner's name, I believe heartily in both, I'm just contemplating the potential identity crisis that I feel I might be particularly subject to when the event occurs :P

On a less-intense strain of thought, girls think of a lot of things in advance/when they don't actually pertain yet right? So I've been looking at names today and I've discovered over the time that I've been doing this [years. don't judge me. you know you've done it too, if you're a girl anyway] I am very partial to older names like Harriet, Jane, Penelope, Charlotte, Alice, Reid, Bennett, Edmund, Edwin, and Hugh to name a few. This may be partly a result of all the people I've met who have or love usual names spelled ridiculous ways. Growing up an Emily I ran into lots of these as a rather large percentage of my school had the same name but with varying spellings [Emilee, Emyle, Emilie, etc]. I'll admit that some names are improved by different spellings but overall I don't understand why people mess with names and spellings that are already beautiful. Everyone's trying so hard to give their kids "original" names that I think they forget that while every kid wants to feel special and not a carbon copy, there's only so far they want to stand out. Those that aren't terribly shy want to be noticed, not exiled.

Despite how often I flipped back and forth between loving and disliking my name in school along with my best friend [also named Emily] I came to my happy place at some point in high school when I decided that I'd much rather be an Emily than a Jessica or Megan [no offense girls]. The only irritating thing is hearing my name, turning around, and discovering every time that whoever had spoken was talking to someone else [this happened in high school. Emily and I would take turns turning around when our name was called and the person calling was, without fail, always trying to get the attention of the one who hadn't turned] The bizarre thing is that, having grown up with this, you'd think I'd be used to it, perhaps not respond immediately to my name, but it still happens just the same. When I came to college I discovered that Emily is still a rather prevalent name but only in certain circles [there was another Emily and two Emmas in my first ward] and it always takes me by surprise when I encounter another of my kind.

Onward!

I have something of a compulsion when it comes to wanting to help people. Now, you're thinking, wanting to help people, that's a good compulsion right? Well, I'd say yes, the world would definitely be a better place if everyone had the compulsion to help others but this isn't precisely what I'm talking about. See, I like my personal space most of the time but I find that I have no qualms, or tact, when it comes to stepping into someone else's bubble. To illustrate, my stats professor shared with my class the other day that a kid he had known several years ago had recently visited him in his office. He's attending a college in the south of the state right now and he's [metaphorically] drowning. He hasn't found anything to tie him there and despite having some friends he's lonely all the time and seriously contemplating dropping out, feeling that no one else is like him, his background or his hopelessness. My immediate instinct was to talk to this kid, send him a letter or cookies or something but that's weird and it would be more frightening for him than helpful I suspect.

[mini tangent]
When my teacher was relating how this kid feels I immediately thought of almost every
person I've ever become close to here at school. It can be so easy to feel like you're
the only one who's had a hard life, trials and hurt, especially here where so many
people seem to have it all together but the fact is that everyone has their struggles
and their challenges. Our Relief Society president is the cutest most home-makery
[and not in a gag-me way] girl I have ever met in my life. Everything about her seems
so perfect but she's a convert and the only one in her family. Growing up in an all
member family, I can't imagine what that would be like, the potential struggles involved.
My roommate is the sweetest, most hilarious girl I've ever had the blessing to be friends
with, the most innocent and adorable thing out there. You wouldn't believe that so much
emotion and so much hurt could be placed into such a little body. The point is, just
as I've heard the phrase "don't judge someone just because they sin differently
than you" I feel very strongly about the importance of letting those around you
feel wanted. Everyone has something to give, a gift to share that can influence your
life, and theirs if you'll give them some of your time. So, that kid in your class, ward,
or sports team that you don't know very well? Get to know them, say hello, or just
smile. My heart went out so fast to my professor's friend that I never want to
let those around me feel like that if I can do anything about it. An ambitious goal, yes,
one that I bet I'll spend my whole life trying to attain. Would you join me?
[end tangent]

Anyway, this instinct to step where I have not been invited in other people's lives is a hard one to ignore especially when I care so much about the hurt a situation is causing someone I love. I want to intervene, become a mediator, write a letter to explain. I want to be able to diffuse situations, say things in a way that will suddenly make sense to everyone and the fighting will just end. But that doesn't work. People don't take well to the intrusion of others into their problems and more animosity is the last thing anyone ever needs. It's hard to sit back and watch things play out how they will without sticking my nose in it but that's something I'm slowly learning how to do.

Well that's enough from me today so how about some songs for your pleasure today? I just saw last week's episode of Glee and the original songs that I'd been skeptical to hear absolutely blew me away so I'm going to share those :)