Nothing is unaffected

It's incredible how something can get you so down that you can't even bring yourself to recognize the good things. While I was writing my last entry I had, at the back of my mind, all of the wonderful things about yesterday; how warm and sunny it was, how much fun I had talking to my roommates and getting surprised by Tim with Amber's help, buying all the supplies for a nice steak dinner and then ordering out pizza instead, watching one of my favorite movies with someone I love. But I couldn't bring myself to mention them. I literally meant, several times, to bring up the happy moments but I couldn't bring myself to type the words because, even though I knew that they had made me happy, that happiness couldn't penetrate how I was feeling without feeling like a lie, something I made up to put on a face. Weird how frustration and sadness can so easily blot out smiles and laughter like a dark, dense cloud passing over the sun. Every second that the world stays in shadow feels like a year, every year a year too long.